GID Inter alia

I felt like I needed to clarify what I didn't ...

2012-04-14T21:20:11.964-07:00

I felt like I needed to clarify what I didn't agree with in what you've said. I just feel like you've made some generalizations of your experiences and presented it in part as if your experience should also apply to everyone else. Perhaps that wasn't your intent, but that's how I understood it. From what I have seen there are a lot of transgender people that really don't fit the generalizations you have made, and there are some that I believe are actually a lot happier after transitioning. I am really glad to have found your story though because I believe your situation is actually a lot more common than a lot of us in the trans community would like to believe. I mean, there are a lot of people that really benefit from not transitioning--but even the Standards of Care say that. It's too bad a lot of us seem to think that transitioning is the only way for all of us. I believe we are all unique individuals with unique needs.

Thanks for sharing your story with us. I find it ...

2012-04-13T09:59:30.474-07:00

Thanks for sharing your story with us. I find it helpful in an introspective sense. Though I do not agree with some of the generalizations you have made I agree with a lot of what you have said and I do strongly agree with your focus on the need to be honest. I'm a firm believer that if you can't be completely honest with people living the way you are living then you need to change it.

Your story is a classic portrayal of going out of one closet and into another (a lot of trans people seem to feel this way)--I believe too many of us do that, and I'm glad you've found a way to stay out of closets all together: )

It is so important to honestly be who you are, and I think the requirements we artificially make to classify people into neat little boxes (gay, straight, transsexual, etc.) only serve to limit our ability to be ourselves.

It's easy to fall into the trap of seeking validation from others, but I believe we should consider ourselves destined for greatness and strive to achieve greatness. Those who have done great things in life are almost always those who found validation only in their own personal convictions of what is right and what is wrong. Examples: Martin Luther King Jr., Mohandas Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Helen Keller, and of course Jesus Christ.

Thanks for posting, it is interesting to read a de...

2011-06-06T00:16:17.882-07:00

Thanks for posting, it is interesting to read a detailed and introspective account from a 'non-traditional' trans person.

I think your narrative speaks to alot of the problems in the trans community. Namely, that most of the people who stick around long term in the 'community' and support groups are the ones who are dysfunctional and unhappy, seeking validation to prop themselves up.

Their presence tends to drive away the few people who are not stealth and are successful in transitioning and enjoying life (who could arguably be most helpful to those just starting out or trying to figure out where to go).

As you have discovered, these spinsters are especially hostile towards those who don't fit their mold of what a transsexual should be.

I appreciate the honesty it took to write this. ...

2011-04-03T12:20:31.729-07:00

I appreciate the honesty it took to write this.

No one knows if you're trans but you. I'm glad you've made choices that make you happier.

I'm trans. If you have enemies, I'm guessing it's because you cast doubt on a narrative that -- for some of us -- is true. Your narrative is great, it's your truth. We each have our own. Trans women who conform to the "played with Barbies" trope aren't all lying. I haven't really found there to be a circle of validation. If anything, most older transitioners seem to be encouraging trans women not to transition because they're unhappy with their own lives. But, again, we each have our own experiences. I just hope you remember that yours is but one story. Cheers.

The thing about transsexualism is that it is not t...

2011-02-21T18:36:02.634-08:00

The thing about transsexualism is that it is not the same thing as GID. GID is a very broad spectrum, where as transsexualism refers to one type of GID. If you feel an urge to become female then you have GID, but not necessarily transsexualism. From reading your posts, most likely have GID but not transsexualism. However, if your desire to transition is based off homosexual feelings, then it isn't GID.

gidinteralia@gmail.com is my personal email. Plea...

2011-01-13T14:57:59.731-08:00

gidinteralia@gmail.com is my personal email. Please feel free to contact me.

I would like to correspond with you. Is there any ...

2011-01-13T05:37:30.313-08:00

I would like to correspond with you. Is there any way that I can get your email? Please post.

Thank you

Thank you for your comments. I claim to have GID ...

2010-12-09T10:26:29.314-08:00

Thank you for your comments. I claim to have GID - that normally indicates some level of transgenderism/transsexualism. If I have falsely claimed to be a transsexual, I apologize for the way you feel it minimizes your feelings. That being said, you will find my story is far more common than it is uncommon - few however are willing to go as far as I have at uncovering our true motivations. If that makes me no longer transsexual - I have no need to wear the label - it is merely an easy way to describe my experience and feelings to someone else.

I wrote this a long time ago, at this stage in my life the word transsexual rarely crosses my lips in reference to myself - I merely am an XY male with GID.

1- you are an effeminate male. true. self-identifi...

2010-12-09T02:37:48.847-08:00

1- you are an effeminate male. true. self-identification as one does not grant you membership to being a transsexual female, even if you did transition before... you went back did you not, because you claim all of your stories about your own GID was a LIE to get what you wanted? you were lying to yourself and the medical community. congratulations, i'm sure your God forgives you and it may be fine for you to go on back to your "old" life with friends and family ready to embrace the "real" and old you - your words... see your family knew you were really just an effeminate gay man but they humoured you. how much it must have hurt them, really - to have to go through all that gender stuff with you knowing you were really kidding yourself. but the sad thing here is, you haven't learned anything from that. you're still claiming to be transsexual. ugh. i can only hope you're not deluding others who share the same views you do that they are still transsexuals when they are clearly just effeminate and/or gay-identified males.

2- you have had lifelong issues with being perceived as a gay male even though you a- identify with being male, and b- actively pursued intimate encounters with men while dressed up, pre-op and even before you were living full time from what i read in your stories. it is a far too common experience of gay men who are internally homophobic or even non-gay men who are perceived as being too effeminate by others, taking this idea to extremes into meaning they must be better off living as straight women.... anything to avoid the gay label. and this my friend, is where you failed, rather epically.

instead of holding onto your "real" identity as an actual transsexual would and wading through the muck of it all with therapy and other measures to deal with it, you approached it with your typical male attitude and fast-tracked your medical transition through lies. couldn't live with all the lies of being either-or gender, took the gay male route, dropped your feminine pronouns and pretense at being a woman and backed out. there is no "closet" to go back to when you're out of the pandora's box, doll. couldn't have a gay man for a partner, nor a straight one? your problem always appeared to be about sex and your social-sexual relationships with other males, not gender identity at all. treatment for transsexualism was not what was required here, but a kind and understanding gay-knowledgeable therapist-psychiatrist.

Bluetraveler, my email is gidinteralia@gmail.com. ...

2010-09-12T10:17:49.536-07:00

Bluetraveler, my email is gidinteralia@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you.

Hello Interalia, I'm Bluetraveler from Susan&#...

2010-09-12T09:57:23.332-07:00

Hello Interalia,
I'm Bluetraveler from Susan's Place, and, as you know, a fellow detransitioner, if only socially. Since I can't PM you yet at the forum (I suppose I don't have enough posts?), and I'd very much like to share my experiences and discuss about GID with you, could you PM me your e-mail address? I apologize for posting in a not-very appropriate section, but I didn't know how else to reach you. I've also read part of this blog and found it very interesting (I wonder if my uncle is in your same situation, growing as a socially very feminine boy). Goodbye and good luck :)

Thank you for your kind words, it reminds me I nee...

2010-08-17T14:39:52.458-07:00

Thank you for your kind words, it reminds me I need to update more often as I've had a lot more go on in my world since March! :)

There isn't much support for people with GID w...

2010-08-16T23:36:29.191-07:00

There isn't much support for people with GID who do not wish or are unable to transition for whatever reason. I identify with and admire the work that you do to highlight the day to day issues.

Your acceptance of the incongruity of physical form and inner feelings and willingness to share these feelings with the world helps those who remain in its shadow.

God bless

What is your definition of GID?

2010-05-11T10:04:16.832-07:00

What is your definition of GID?

Hmm. I don't think you have GID. My distinct ...

2010-05-04T21:42:06.117-07:00

Hmm.
I don't think you have GID.
My distinct impression is that you had problems with your identity as a femme gay man and you decided that the root of the issue was GID and that you needed to transition.
You've since discovered that transitioning was the wrong thing to do and that you are in fact just another effeminate man (of which there are millions) who is (apparently) happier living as a man.
You'll find that appropriating the trans label to justify your existence is going to annoy a lot of people - a bit like a white person claiming to be black.

There is nothing wrong with being an effeminate male. You don't need to justify your effeminate behaviour by claiming to have GID and being trans.
That's the whole 'circle of validation' crap going around again; claiming to be the 'non-transitioning ts' to earn Special Points.

I may psychologically identify as female, but I ca...

2010-05-04T21:11:07.023-07:00

I may psychologically identify as female, but I can also cognitively recognize that my brain might be deceiving me. I have also sought to live as a female and would again were I not so dead set on learning to live without doing so. ;)

And using my definition, I definitely have GID and is has provoked me to live as the opposite sex. It still does but I choose not to.

Still maybe I am not a "true" transsexual - who knows? Some have stated since I stopped my transition I must not have been. Perhaps they are right, but I feel it is more likely they are engaged in a bit of self justification. This is why I like to speak from my experience. It is what it is and nothing more.

Which would mean, from what I have read from this ...

2010-05-04T13:34:06.025-07:00

Which would mean, from what I have read from this blog entry, that you're not transsexual, correct?

This seemed like a decent definition, "a pers...

2010-05-04T08:39:58.072-07:00

This seemed like a decent definition, "a person who psychologically identifies with the opposite sex and may seek to live as a member of this sex especially by undergoing surgery and hormone therapy to obtain the necessary physical appearance (as by changing the external sex organs)."

I like to think of it as - the presence of GID coupled with the actual desire to live as the opposite sex.

What is your definition of 'transsexual'?

2010-05-03T22:47:10.960-07:00

What is your definition of 'transsexual'?

Well Hello Friend I thank you for your revealing p...

2010-02-16T23:38:54.289-08:00

Well Hello Friend I thank you for your revealing post. Maybe I'm not so alone after all. Many of us TG's are driven by our desire to adopt a completely female persona in order to deceive people that we are indeed real women. In fact we cannot at the present realm of medical science, correctly achieve our desired sex. We should therefore realise that we should try being accepted as very feminine males before going too far in the wrong direction. I found after taking hormones that my emotions were up and down making me cry too easily but a strange thing happened, my Libido dropped and I felt so released from my male testosterone drive because of the hormones, my compulsive need to cross dress and go outside as a woman were also reduced significantly. This proves the compulsion is sexually driven. and also that we can fight it by becoming our true selves - That is feminine males if we can arrest the testosterone driven progression or Quasi females if not. Can we survive as femme men? It has become my quest to find out some answers.

The Anne Vitale Effect is interesting, but even if...

2010-02-07T20:38:14.518-08:00

The Anne Vitale Effect is interesting, but even if it could explain my GID before orchiectomy it cannot explain its continued existence.

I must say though that even though I find such theories interesting and hope more research will be done into them, I don't really accept them as affirmed science - no more than I accept the idea of HBS being a legit condition... yet.

I think you are suffering from Anne Vitale Effect....

2010-02-07T01:43:56.246-08:00

I think you are suffering from Anne Vitale Effect...see her T Note # 15 which explains how a periodic imbalance of testo can produce feelings of having Harry Benjamin Syndrome.

Err rather, 'in short, I'm altering my bod...

2009-12-10T18:26:45.830-08:00

Err rather, 'in short, I'm altering my body to fit the male stereotype'.

Hun, you are entitled to living in whichever way i...

2009-12-10T18:23:18.317-08:00

Hun, you are entitled to living in whichever way is the most comfortable and relieving to you. You don't need me to tell you this, but what a lot of other transsexuals do is just that: what a lot of other transsexuals do. Everyone Else is not you, and you are not Everyone Else; no one has the right to treat you poorly or alienate you because they're 'trannier than thou'- (wtf does that even mean?) it's harrowing that we do this to each other within our own community. What we need is love, patience, and understanding- we as transpeople are 'different' from cisgendered people, it's really quite redundant to hammer and alienate amongst ourselves because we're 'different' from each other as well- I mean, it should go without saying!

I was interested in 'why' you didn't want to transition anymore, because I've been in the position opposite to yours; where I wanted hormones/surgery and to transition medically, but actually got flak from transsexuals who were angry with me for 'selling out' and wanting to physically alter my body to 'fit in'. ('You're giving in! We shouldn't have to alter our bodies to be men and women! Traitor!') You shouldn't ever have to feel obligated by what other transsexuals do or say to invalidate you.

What the hell is a 'real' transsexual, anyway? That's just as absurd as talking about whether someone is a 'real' man or a 'real' woman- you're trans because you know you are, period!

I know how it is to edit the past and hide the truth, the deceit. It hurts so bad and to me, isn't worth it. Currently I'm living my life 'out' as transsexual, but as of now am experiencing some of the deception you mentioned when it came to 'using the general stereotype outline' to get hormones, et cetera. When I start to question gender, or expressing my own in a way that is not 'kosher', it makes other TSs uncomfortable. Truth be told, (I'm an FTM) I think my body is beautiful, but am undergoing HRT and plan to have surgery because this body simply isn't condusive to leading my life as a man the way it is.

If we didn't have these ingrained concepts of what makes men, and women, in the first place, we would be free to identify however we wished and free to live without medical intervention because our parts, and Otherness would not be problematic to receiving respect and the treatment we prefer. I'm going to go through HRT and surgery because I've discovered that without them, I am treated as a woman unless I put huge amounts of effort into binding and dropping my voice and dressing in a way I personally find 'ugly', and 'butch'. I can't just be 'myself', because 'myself' has boobs and is considered 'feminine', and I am female, and those things hugely inhibit my ability to be treated as a fellow bloke.

Unfortunately, we live in a society that consists of people with heavily binary-gendered views. Ie, if you are not a man, you are a woman, and vice versa. Not conforming to this notion pisses people off, including transpeople, who try desperately to fit into one or the other. Questioning what it means to be one invalidates their transsexuality.

In short, the male stereotype. In truth, I wish it wasn't necessary. Honestly, it isn't, and I suppose in a way I *am* 'selling out' because I just don't want to deal with being 'pre-transition' forever. Personally, I think your choice not to is noble and romantic, and something I wish more people were strong enough to do.

So if you de-transition you aren't a TS, and i...

2009-12-01T13:41:58.879-08:00

So if you de-transition you aren't a TS, and if transition for you includes anything other than stealth you may be suffering from any number of problems. Great - I guess that means all of our out TS activists might be suffering from other problems and I guess they aren't TS either.

Please read something other than the stealth/HBS community propaganda!