The Actor (Poem)

This is a poem I wrote many many years ago expressing my dissatisfaction with my life and how I always had to hide who I was. This was a time when the pendulum was pulled to its height as I desperately tried to prevent anyone from knowing how I really felt inside. Though the pendulum is no longer so strained, this poem still represents my feelings that I can never fully be myself for fear of how I will affect others close to me who are used to me as I am.

The Actor

Alone and sad I'm locked away
Far deep within the darkest cell:
A prison with no walls or chains,
Within my mind a living hell.

Perceptions of the world pass by;
I watch them from my mental cage,
But barred away from taking part
I let an actor take my stage.

He lives the life I've never known.
With him I can't identify.
The world accepts what they don't know
Is nothing but a living lie.

Because of him I can't be free,
And none can see that I exist,
But to remove him from his place
Is something that I dare not risk.

He lives a life that's not his own.
To take it is to kill the man.
And though he never should have lived,
Just who am I to say I can?

'cause though I might be fin'lly free,
It is not worth the risk I fear
To cause such pain to come about
And kill one others hold so dear.

For even if I showed the truth,
I fear that they will just not see
The man I killed to show myself
Was really never truly me.

I long to die but wish to live,
But trapped and buried I must stay
To save the sorrow caused to some
And let them love the lie I made.

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