My Meeting with the Bishop

The following was posted to a forum on 2-20-09:

I made a big decision earlier this week. I decided to meet with my
bishop concerning my GID. Now for those of you who know me know how
open I am and you can assume that I've spoke when bishops before about
my condition. You'd be correct in that assumption, but when I
normally speak to people about my issue, I speak to them about it in a
different WAY than I chose to this time.

I think as part of our culture and even our male stereotypes (which up
till a few months ago, I was still trying to live up to) we like to
keep our problems to ourselves. So when I told people about my past
transition, it was always in the context of "look here is what
happened to me, BUT I'm totally over it now and have overcome it."
This was a lie really, but I wanted to believe it. So while I was
open with people about my past, I never let on that it still bothered
me. I feel I mostly did this to not look weak or have them think
badly of me or have people feel as if I was confessing.

But this time when I went to see the bishop I decided I would tell him
the truth - how much it still affected me and how much it hurt. So I
went to see him and sat down with him. He already knew of my
condition because he was the EQ president of the ward I was in when I
left the church almost 10 years ago. We laughed reminiscing about our
first meeting. I had already left the church and he was making a
house call to an inactive member. I believed that I was quite terse
with him and asked him not to come back. He remembered it quite
differently, that I was far nicer than most in my position. I guess
my "terse" is not very intimidating. I mean I DID invite him to sit
down to talk, I just got to the point really fast :D

The bishop wanted to know more about how I things transpired and what
led me back to the church. In an abbreviated version of my story, I
told him the details related to the church, the fact that I knew I
would not be allowed to marry my husband in the temple or be sealed to
my children were I to transition, and the whole revelation that led me
back.

I found that when I was telling the story (BTW, I used to NEVER EVER
tell people about the fact I wanted a husband and children and about
how much sorrow it brought me knowing I would not be able to be sealed
to them because it was always so emotional for me, and as I mentioned
earlier, I didn't want people to feel I had any problems). So I let
myself feel it, and not try to play it off. I started to cry in the
meeting. I told him very flatly that I felt like I had given up a
pretty amazing future life all on the wings of the revelation I had to
come back - that the church HAD to be true or I felt my life would
have been wasted. I told him also that the common wisdom among the TS
community and medical professionals was that I should transition and
choosing to do what I was doing put me in a very lonely position.

To it all he had several responses. He told me that few had been
tested as I have. He said people pay lip service to sacrifices made
for the church, but few have had to really make a choice that would be
a painful sacrifice for them the rest of their lives based on a
revelation or the church. He said he himself would be included in
that group of those who haven't had to sacrifice as much.

He told me that I had a testimony, and not just of the church per se,
but of the Gospel plan itself. He told me that while I was a member
of his ward, he wanted me to do my best to be an example to the other
members because they would need my strength. He says this while I'm
crying of course - I wasn't feeling very strong then, but I understood
his point.

He also told me he really wanted this ward to be a haven for me, a
place where I could really feel comfortable. He told me that if
anyone ANYONE made me feel uncomfortable or caused me to lose my peace
to let him know immediately and he would take care of it.

Before I left I asked him to do me a favor. I asked him, being the
only person authorized besides myself to receive revelation for me, if
he would seek to do so. I told him that I was pioneering this road
alone and that I was truly reliant upon God's direction as I
experiment ways to live in harmony with my condition and the church.
He told me he would and asked if he would be permitted to ask around
concerning my condition for external help. I told him it would be
fine.

All in all it was a great meeting. I supremely resisted the urge to
deceive him and tell him everything was "okay" and so was able to lay
it out there with all the gravity that I feel. As such I felt a lot
of peace leaving there rather than feeling I left so much unsaid.

I will keep you all informed how I this all transpires, but I think I
might have just found a ward home I can stay in for a long time.